Sometimes you need a good laugh

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes I see things and hold onto them for a rainy day because they crack me up and who knows when I'll need a good cracking up again!

This is from an old 60's magazine...can't remember which one.

What kills me most about this is the look on the ladies face who is holding the little boy. Every time I see it I DIE (Zoe style)

It's ok. I still love you

I started this weekend by running to the grocery store for a couple things. Swiped the card..."card not recognized" ???

Then I head to the ATM with a different card. Swiped that card..."card not recognized"

Ok, I admit to being slow at times so I figured, must be a weird coincidence until it happened at yet another ATM.

My fucking blackberry demagnetized ALL my cards. All of them.

I felt so betrayed. You all know how much I love my blackberry. I tweet on it. I blog on it. I don't go anywhere without it. I even tricked it out with moo stickers so it wouldn't be naked.

And this is the thanks I get.

Geez. It's ok blackberry. Right now I'm hurt but I guess you had your reasons for doing what you did. Maybe when I'm shopping I don't pay you enough attention. Did I say something while chatting on you that you didn't like? Whatever it was I'm sorry.

It's ok. I still love you

PS: If you pull this shit again I'm getting an IPhone.

I'm on YouTube! (what am I thinking?!?)

This is my first video! WooHoo! I'm uploading while it's late and no one is online and I'm too tired to re-think this potentially poor decision : )

Until I delete it...ENJOY!

PS: I did another video right after this one but I really need to sleep on it...cya tm
L8R

Self Portrait Thursday #1

Self Portrait Thursday #1, originally uploaded by Yaslani.

Ok, there is no such thing as self portrait thursday but I figured why not start one?

I'm usually behind a desk so the big question today was "Are you wearing a wrap dress?" Sadly no. Although it would be awesome as a dress it's a hip length top.

Can I do this again next week?

We'll see.

Balloon Boy vs OctoMom

Here we go again.

Believe it or not I tell myself everyday that I will not comment on the latest batch of crazy on the tube and internets.

As much as I rant you may think I've failed miserably. Trust me, this is restraint.

Along comes Balloon brat and his wackadoodle family and forces me...yes forces me to say something that 140 characters on twitter does not permit.

*sigh*

This won't be pretty.

By now we all know the boy supposedly snuck into his dad's bootleg, homemade balloon invention and took off into the sky. I held my breath for hours as they waited to get the balloon down.

All I thought was poor kid, scared and alone. Poor family feeling helpless. As a parent you think of your own kid.

Then I found out they were on a Reality Show.

Then I found out the kid was hiding possibly with the help of the father.

Then I found out they were pimping their story to any show with a camera.

Now I'm pissed.

Here's why.

I've had massive arguments with people about Nadya Suleman aka Octomom. My position is that she is no worse than Kate Gosselin or anyone else having a bunch of kids and getting attention and money.

Why wouldn't she think it was perfectly fine to have a litter of babies? Every other family gets media attention and a goodie bag full of tv money...soooo why not? I mean Octomom was (pun intended) the mother of all multi-births. Why shouldn't she get her goodie bag too?

Since I was young, the media has taken an interest in kids - kids who fall in wells, kids who hide in barns, multiple kids born with the help of science, triplets, quadruplets, sextuplets...

Now with reality tv and our insatiable need for disposable celebrities, producers are ambulance chasing the news for the latest freak show.

Of course the Henne family, with it's tiny taste of fame, would want more. Why wait for the producers to come to you? It makes perfect sense they would think this plan was crazy enough to work. It has worked before.

So why am I mad?

When I was 17 the Tawana Brawley story captured the attention of the nation. I was near Tawana's age at the time and now I have a teen daughter, 15. I remember then, even before any facts were revealed that no one believed her.

I'm not defending Tawana Brawley, Al Sharpton or any of the details of the story. Honestly, I feel  we will never really know what happened. 

I will say this - The message to me as a young girl of color was if something does ever happen to you, God forbid, the media will not be your friend and no one will believe you or worse...care.

This is a powerful message. If you think I'm wrong, name one more "hoax" since then...in 22 years involving a young black girl or boy. Name it.

Name one missing black child BY NAME that has been covered around the clock by the media. Name one missing black woman or one who was killed by her husband, boyfriend, stalker. Just one. Name one killed by a celebrity. By name...not by her killers name.

Can't can you?

Our kids go missing all the time but we know a lie about it will not get us a tv show. We know that because we can't be victims on tv without controversy - if we will even be seen at all.

It is not even slightly in the realm of possibility that any shenanigans I cook up for a reality show with myself and my kid (unless we both want to date Flavor Flav) will be paid any attention. Certainly no positive attention.

22 years after Tawana Brawley her name is synonymous with hoax. Think about that. She is either 40 or quickly approaching it and is still viewed as a liar. Let's say she did lie at 16 and it all just got out of control. Who didn't lie at 16? But just last week it was brought up again...as if it was the worst thing done in this country in the past 22 years.

We know this so we police ourselves. We know what you can and can't get away with.

That is the key. People do what they know they can get away with.

The answer for Balloon boy and his family is simple. Shame.

Shame has worked for Octomom. She is public enemy number one and a scourge on humanity (according to the talk shows). Heck, lots of white women were cranking out multiple babies before her and it was okie dokie. But now that some random ethnic chic wants to join in that's when everyone wants to draw a fucking line in the sand.

So if we are all really outraged about the Henne family, let's shame them. Make the name a punchline. Shame them for their "hoax" to the point that everyone...everyone understands that if you lie you will be humiliated for the next 22 years...and maybe more.

Pink for the cure

, originally uploaded by MargiL.

Reminder: October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please support the cause: join a walk, send a donation, wear pink, raise awareness.

Lets help fight this disease!

Susan G. Komen for the Cure

This IS what 39 looks like

Gloria Steinem once said that views about how women age would change if all women started telling the truth about our age.

We all have our good days and bad days. When I was 20 it took me 15 minutes flat to make myself presentable.

Today is takes at least 45 minutes and most days I still look tired, worn or slightly stressed even with my ever-growing stash of creams and cosmetics.

Still, I've been lucky enough to be blessed with my mother and grandmother's awesome genetics so I never think about looking old.

But still I'm reluctant to tell people how old I am. Why? Because the process of aging is a delicate subject for women and I'm nervous about it.

Some people say "Oh you don't look your age" and most of the time we think that is a compliment right? Well it isn't. That's like saying "Oh, you don't look like a troll. Wow, I actually thought you were human not a troll!"

Maybe I'm exaggerating a lil bit. But just a bit.

So I'm pushing back on that bullshit.

Today is my birthday.

I'm 39.

Next time someone says "You don't look 39"  I'll say...

This IS what 39 looks like.

A Case of Morals - Indeed

I love JSmooth. This video makes me love him more.

I have struggled with this Roman Polanski thing because I can't decide which is more sick - Polanski thumbing his nose at the justice system or all the Hollywood assholes who support him.

J articulates my feelings better than I ever could.

JSmooth, I cosign all of that. Keep making videos. The world needs to hear your voice.

X-Wife Yard Sale Sign

X-Wife Yard Sale Sign, originally uploaded by eraut.

Bitterness can be entertaining.

Today is about to get a whole lot better

Today is about to get a whole lot better, originally uploaded by waferbaby.

What a nice thought : )

Google Reading List - Monday September 28

My Google Goodies <---click here

Happy Monday!

Today is Yom Kippur - a holy day for the Jewish faith.

I am not Jewish but several people in my office are (mainly my crazy boss). So today is a quiet day for me - no e-mails, no cryptic voicemails, no obscure requests that are nixed five minutes after I've completed them. Just a nice stress free day.

My closest friend in the office, Susan is out observing Yom Kippur so we won't be having our usual lunch-time gossip fest. That is kind of a bummer.

Well either way I'm going to enjoy the day and I hope you do as well!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Fall Shoes

Fall Shoes, originally uploaded by Yaslani.

I need more shoes. Period.

Why I Love The Wizard of Oz

Today is the 70th Anniversary of The Wizard of Oz.

Gasp...breathe.

I freaking love that movie.

It is my favorite of all time. And for that reason I am re-posting a blog post I did about my admiration for the movie a few years ago.

Enjoy!

The Wizard of Oz begins when a twist of fate in the form of a tornado lifts the farmhouse of Dorothy Gale away. Bewildered, Dorothy and her dog Toto leave the black & white world behind. Unfortunately there is a dead chick is under her house.

Here is where I fall in love with Dorothy. There is a dead body but Dorothy stops to admire her shoes!!! She just lost her family in a tornado, accidentally kills someone but takes the time to go shoe shopping. I love her.

Magically, the slippers just pop onto her feet. Do you have any idea how often the very same thing has happened to me? I'm in a store totally mesmerized by a pair of slingbacks and POOF! The shoes are on my feet and my Visa is smoking.

Being from Kansas and all, Dorothy was not exactly exposed to couture. I know...I've been to Kansas. Even facing fashion adversity, Dorothy knew a fabulous pair of shoes when she saw them. That smart girl in the sassy pigtails snatched up those ruby slippers and announced to anyone who would listen that she needed to get back to Kansas ASAP (to show off her new shoes of course).

Luckily Ms. Gale had an older wiser women watching her back. Glenda the Good Witch gave her one solitary piece of advice "Gurrrrrlllll, don't let nobody take your shoes!" Glenda sends our heroine off to work the golden runway/yellow brick road to the Wizard of Oz.

Dorothy is so happy she is skipping and singing. Unfortunately she is not out of the literal woods yet. Between Dorothy and her future as a fashionista is the Wicked Witch of the West and she wants those shoes. Our brave girl would not budge. Instead, Dorothy immediately rounds up an entourage to assist her fancy feet.

Everywhere they go it's the shoes that get the attention. The bouncer at the Emerald City thought the crew was just a bunch of wannabees until he took a look at the ruby slippers. Next thing you know, doors fly open, red carpets roll out, interviews with the media - all because of Dorothy's brilliant fashion coup. Even her friends who are not even wearing cool shoes, get to benefit because they are with the person wearing the coolest shoes!!!I love this story.

The Wicked Witch is not giving up easily. She sends every weapon at her disposal... angry trees, flying monkeys and even attempts to drug Dorothy. The Wicked Witch threatens to kill Dorothy's new friends/entourage. Dorothy could care less. She's a celebrity now and will no doubt be hanging with a better crowd. "I'll kill your dog!" Dorothy pauses. Dogs generally live about 16 years and she's had Toto her entire life.

Adios Toto.

The Wicked Witch, blind with shoe lust, sets the place on fire. That is where Dorothy had to draw the line. She couldn't risk burning her new shoes. Dorothy douses her with a pail of water and the Wicked Witch dies.

Now I ask you, in what other story do women fight to the death over a pair of shoes? Dorothy killed two witches just to get a spectacular pair of red pumps. She risked her life, her friends, a felony conviction and her little dog Toto. Dorothy recognized the power of fabulous footwear. She is my personal hero and an icon to women everywhere.

Dorothy learns an important lesson in the end. Her shoes were her source of strength...not magic, wizards or witches.

What if Dorothy didn't want those amazing slippers just because they were on some dead chick's feet? What if she said "no thanks, Glenda. I need a comfy pair of flats for my long trip. Those shoes are not sensible" - What if she caved in early and decided to hand over the shoes to the Wicked Witch? What horrific message would that send? Thank heavens Dorothy had the courage to fight the good fight in the name of fashion.

The next time you find yourself in front of a magical pair of life-changing shoes, think about brave Dorothy. She killed two witches so we don't have to! Thank you Dorothy Gale!!

ME ME ME!

A "me" photo collage. This pics are my afterwork face from yesterday and today. Here's a face to connect to my insanity : )

SNL Conspiracy Theory!

Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE!!!

Is everybody losing their damn minds? Every time I turn on the tv somebody is picking a fight. Teabaggers, Joe Wilson, Kanye West, Serena Williams...everybody wants a piece.

This past week Joe Wilson decided to "bring it" to President Barack Obama by telling him what's what in the middle a live speech to the nation. Jackass Joe yelled "You Lie!" It was a WTF moment in history.

Can I be honest for a sec?

Part of me wanted the President to ask him to step outside and repeat that shit in the parking lot. What would Joe have done?

That. Would. Be. Awesome.

But sighhhhh...no luck. Because Joe Wilson was like one of those guys who yells at a girl from his car while she's walking down the street minding her own business - "Hey Baby!!"

And Barack is like the hot chick trying to ignore the douchebag and go on with her day but is still slightly embarrassed and humiliated.

But kudos to you Joe for getting the ball rolling. Nice effort, terrible follow through.

Then last night Kanye West decided it was time to challenge Mr. Wilson for the Asshole of the Year Crown.

Kanye is no amateur at showing his ass in public. This blog does not have the bandwith to recount all of his idiotic behavior.

Kanye bum rushed cute little Taylor Swift and basically told her "You Suck" in front of all her fans...on live tv. Just like our buddy Joe, there was no further plan.

On a positive note, he did win the Asshole Crown.

Why? Because at least Joe picked on somebody that could kick his ass if it came to it. Kanye picked on a young girl half his age and made her cry.

I root for the villain in the movies but not the asshole. That's where Joe and Kanye went wrong.

The villain does really bad stuff but with such finesse you can't help but applaud.

The villain does NOT apologize. The villain rubs your nose in their bad deeds and dares you to challenge them again.

The villain is bad...with style.

So the moral of the story is, if you want to be known as a bad ass - don't scream like a little bitch. Just hit someone with your blackberry and prepare to catwalk into oblivion wearing a politically incorrect fur coat.

PS - I do miss Naomi. She could show these fools how it's done.

Excuse Me Sir, Can I See Your Papers?

*Disclaimer: If you don't like the president you will not like this blog post. Click away now...no hard feelings : )

November 3rd 2008 I was formally introduced to the "Birther" movement. I read a lot and according to my teenager I watch those boring news shows 24/7. But I never ever heard that the man running for Prez was born in Kenya.

Muslim sleeper cell - check

Antichrist - check

Not "really" black - check

Born in Kenya??? WTF??

Let me set the stage. My supervisor, a college educated, smart woman decided the day before the election to mock Barack Obama and the idea of him becoming president. Also in her office was a male manager and lil ole me (not a manager and coincidently the only black person in the room....and office) After attacking Obama and putting me on the defense with a conversation I seriously DID NOT want to have they tried to convince me that he was not even born in the US because they did not see his birth certificate.

This was the moment, after 15 years with the same company that I really understood the word tolerance. Tolerance has nothing to do with my feelings at all. Tolerance means if you make yourself invisible enough we'll pretend we like diversity by allowing you to stay here...but don't think for one second we like it...or you for that matter.

Too harsh?

Maybe.

From that second on this birther nonsense has grown into a big ugly monster without rhyme or reason. I've watched "the liberal media" defend the President with such pansy ass arguments like - here is a copy of his birth certificate right here...or here is the birth notice in the paper. Like that shit really matters.

Here is an observation that ALL my fellow brown people have been thinking since the day this nonsense started but I have not heard or read once:

How easy was it for a white woman to traipse around unnoticed with her brown baby and black African hubby in the 60's? Just ponder that.

I mean seriously...this is the logical point people don't talk about because no one white (conservative or liberal) wants to remember how effed up it was in this country for people of color or for people who dared to pro-create with people of color.

And it wasn't just the south.

My grandfather married a white woman in the 50's and moved to NJ. Their family was harassed well into the 70's...in liberal blue state NJ.

But we are led to believe by the "birthers" that teenager Mrs. Hussein Obama was jumping on all kinds of planes, getting passports, registering her brown baby for school IN THE FUCKING 60's and nooooooobooooooddyyyyyy said boo.

Right.

Maybe we've grown too accustomed to celebrity moms carting around their brown babies like the latest Coach bag. Maybe seeing interracial couples skipping through the mall is so normal now that most people don't bat an eye. But a short time ago that shit was not cool and people did notice...and question.

Sigh.

Just one more thing.

I happen to also know a little bit about illegal aliens. Yes, I have met people who are in this country illegally. People I know intimately...not people who clean my house or cut my grass. Here is what illegal aliens don't do:

• They don't get jobs with a normal paycheck (makes it too easy for immigration)
• They don't usually make any kind of trouble to call attention to themselves
• They don't get official papers like, passports, drivers licenses, voter registration etc

They also don't say fuck it I'm running for President.

Nobody has enjoyed playing the "how black is he" game more than me. On an intellectual level it's fun to pontificate about race and if we will ever be post-racial (*tolerant - seen but not heard).

Some people are going to really hate this. Some people are going to unsubscribe from my blog and unfollow me on twitter. Well I have enough friends. I have sat silently and listened to all kinds of offensive things at work for 15 years. I have laughed off the most racially insensitive things said by people who fancy themselves uberliberal and progressive. I have avoided discussing race to the point that most people in my office could not tell you what my ethnicity is (my father is Colombian - and not illegal by the way)

But this is my blog dammit. Even if I end up talking to myself I refuse to censor myself for fear I may compromise a lousy sale. That is what my day job is for. And when I no longer have that day job it's going to get worse so this may be a good time for you to know where I stand.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think the Prez walks on water...some do. He is flawed and is doing some things that make me scratch my head. But questioning a person's validity after jumping through decades of tricky you-don't-belong hoops is unfair and yes racist.

I welcome comments but if you are mean or crazy you will get deleted (my blog dammit)

Google Reading List - August 6

Fabulous blogs I'm reading these days (who knows, your blog may be here as well!)

Read my Google Goodies click here

Google Reading List - July 30

Fabulous blogs I'm reading these days (who knows, your blog may be here as well!)

Read my Google Goodies click here